Words of Wisdom

“Clearly define to yourself what you want to attain in life. Say to yourself: I can do it. I can do it now. Make a plan and chart the steps you must take to reach your goal. Take them one at a time, and you will find that with each success the next step comes easier and easier as more and more people are attracted to help you achieve your ultimate purpose.Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Are you satisfied with where you are and the direction you are going? If not, take control of your life and change whatever needs to be changed. You and only you have the power to do this. You can change your world.” - Napoleon Hill

Deepak Chopra: A Life of Fullment | SUCCESS Magazine | What Achievers Read

Here's an interesting article you might find inspiring!

Deepak Chopra: A Life of Fullment | SUCCESS Magazine | What Achievers Read

A little excerpt from Napoleon Hill on How to Build Confidence

Self-Confidence Formula
by Dr. Napoleon Hill

I know that I have the ability to achieve the object of my definite purpose in life; therefore, I demand of myself persistent, continuous action toward its attainment, and I here and now promise to render such action.

I realize the dominating thoughts of my mind will eventually reproduce themselves in outward, physical action, and gradually transform themselves into physical reality; therefore, I will concentrate my thought, for thirty minutes daily, upon the task of thinking of the person I intend to become, thereby creating in my mind a clear mental picture.

I know through the principle of autosuggestion, any desire that I persistently hold in my mind will eventually seek expression through some practical means of attaining the object back of it; therefore, I will devote ten minutes daily to demanding of myself the development of self-confidence.

I have clearly written down a description of my definite chief aim in life, and I will never stop trying, until I shall have developed sufficient self-confidence for its attainment.

I fully realize that no wealth or position can long endure, unless built upon truth and justice; therefore, I will engage in no transaction that does not benefit all whom it affects. I will succeed by attracting to myself the forces I wish to use, and the cooperation of other people. I will induce others to serve me, because of my willingness to serve others. I will eliminate hatred, envy, jealousy, selfishness, and cynicism, by developing love for all humanity, because I know that a negative attitude toward others can never bring me success. I will cause others to believe in me, because I will believe in them, and in myself. I will sign my name to this formula, commit it to memory, and repeat it aloud once a day, with full faith that it will gradually influence my thoughts and actions so that I will become a self-reliant, and successful, person.

Back of this formula is a law of nature that no man has yet been able to explain. The name by which one calls this law is of little importance. The important fact about it is—it works for the glory and success of mankind, if it is used constructively. On the other hand, if used destructively, it will destroy just as readily. In this statement may be found a very significant truth, namely, that those who go down in defeat, and end their lives in poverty, misery, and distress, do so because of negative application of the principle of autosuggestion. The cause may be found in the fact that all impulses of thought have a tendency to clothe themselves in their physical equivalent.


Source: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Collector’s Edition. Pgs. 86 & 87.

Get a free copy of Think & Grow Rich!

This book is not just about becoming financially rich. This book is about how to live more powerful and fulfilling lives with the proper training of the minds.




My friends Vic and Lisa Johnson are doing this crazy marketing test where they're giving away Napoleon Hill's "Think & Grow Rich."

I'm helping them with their big giveaway and wanted to make sure you got your copy before they take this offer down.

Get the details here:
www.FreeTGRbook.com/shamalatan

Feel free to pass this on to friends. They can get one too if they act right away.

This is one of my favorite books. I know you'll love it!

Best Regards & Abundance to all,
Shamala Tan & The Platinum Light Team

P.S. Vic and Lisa are actually shipping these so you need to give them your address before they run out. Details here:
www.FreeTGRbook.com/shamalatan

Feedback from a participant from the Relationship/communication mini workshop

Hi Shamala,
Thank you so much for giving up your time to give us such an insightful talk last night. It's amazing to think that the principles are really so straightforward and common sense, but we all forget so easily and need to be reminded of these things and have it drummed in. It's almost scary to realise how like little children we are in our adult skins! And how we really have to work at growing up and evolving. It feels like an up hill struggle sometimes, but as you say it is all about changing how we think and precieve and in effect those can be quick and subtle changes that make a world of difference quickly and with relative ease. I am a big fan of the law of attraction so I have been working a lot with this lately. I am being very concious of my thoughts, and hence my feelings, and although it's two steps forward one step back most of the time, I can certainly see it when it works!
I just need a man in my life now to practice your principles - but I have the law of attraction working on that one for me too, so it shouldn't be long now!
All the best,
TS

Exclusive Free Mini Workshop For Women Only on 21 Oct

This is a special invitation by Women.Only Event (by Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Pte Ltd), to all women for an exclusive workshop on the HOWs to making your relationship a SUCCESS.
Organised specially for women who are looking for a healthy romantic relationship and to learn how to build a stronger relationship.

WHAT?
Workshop - The “HOWs” to Successful Romantic Relationship
You will learn:
• Why communication is the bloodline of all relationships?
• How we are in truth, not having relationships with our partners? But we really are having relationships with our perception of our partner
• The importance of forming an equal adult partnership in relationships rather than a parent/child relationship (father-daughter or mother-son types).
• How to develop an equal adult partnership so that we will stop sabotaging ourselves and the relationship
• Trainer’s personal sharing of life’s experiences with relationships.

WHO?
Shamala Tan – Holistic Life Coach/Counselor from Platinum Light Pte Ltd.
Shamala Tan is an international motivational speaker, facilitator & counselor. She has presented and facilitated in many major holistic and well being events and seminars in Singapore, USA, England, Austria and Australia. Prior to this, she was in the advertising/marketing industry including running her own business at a young age of 21.
Having been highly dependent on alcohol and other abusive substances in her past, she overcame the psychological challenges and became the master of her bad habits & addictions through self motivation. (Her life story was published in the August 2008 issue of Her World Magazine).
One of Shamala’s area of specialty is in the area of communication in all kinds of relationships and she has counseled hundreds of people and couples from all over the world. She guides her clients on how to overcome relationship issues so that they may have more fulfilling and healthier relationships with themselves and with their partners/spouse.
As a Transpersonal Counselor & Intuitive Therapist, Shamala feels blessed to help others to achieve their highest potential and to conquer their own fear based thoughts/feelings.

WHEN & WHERE?
Date: 21 October 2009, Wednesday
Time: 7pm to 10pm
Venue: Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Pte Ltd, 10 Hoe Chiang Road #01-01 Keppel Towers Singapore 089315

This workshop is on a first come first served basis, and seats are limited. Do email thinkrightfeelgood@gmail.com to register your name, number of people and contact number. Registration will be closed as soon as the seats are filled.

Become healthy through unlearning...

Yesterday I was observing my daughter playing with her friends and I saw some very interesting interactions. My daughter is a four year old emotional manipulator! :-) I observed that she made some suggestions to her friends, but they didn't buy the idea, and immediately she folded her arms, sat down and pouted. Her friends immediately came to her and decided to do what she suggested. I know that my daughter will keep on doing this to her friends because it works! She has tried to do this at home but it never works.

In the adult world, people at the workplace and in relationships do the same thing. They are like little children in adult bodies. They pout or give people the silent treatment when things don't go their way, and I think most people learned this from a young age, just as my daughter is learning. Why do people give in when someone mis-behaves? For the most part, I think most people are afraid to be rejected, they are afraid that if they don't give in they will lose something. The emotional manipulator and the enabler are equally responsible for the unhealthy behaviour and responses, they play up each other's weaknesses and fears. And this is why romantic relationships and working relationships at the office can become toxic and dysfunctional.

It is strange but true that people who have healthy relationship practices are in the minority. And the same minority group started out by unlearning what the world has taught them.

As a life coach myself, it looks like I have my work cut out for me to undo what my daughter is now learning in the world we live in. Wish me luck! :-)

Email On Better Relationship With Son

I received an email with a good question which I think many Singaporean parents can relate to. See below for my reply:

"Dear Shamala,

I’m enlightened by your talk today on how to make relationship works.

I guess I should have posted you these questions during the talk so others could benefits as well but pardon my shyness.

My question as follow:-

While coaching my son, I find myself constantly angry with him when he fails to complete a required task( which I knew he is able to do it). In such situation, it always ended up with me throwing my temper, raising my voice at him and him crying thus making learning unpleasant.

The aftermath, I always feel extremely lousy, guilty and angry with my incompetent to keep my cool.

When such incident happen it kind of kill the all bonding I’ve with him as well as his keenness for learning.

As parent, I have expectation on my only 4 years old son on his progress but how should I handle my expectation that I’ve on him, in order to be fair to him as well as kind to myself.

Once again, pls enlighten me.

You mentioned about teaching the children on life skill, do you provide such courses?

Look forward to your reply.

Thanks & Regards

My reply:

Thanks for your email. I think you may have some unrealistic expectation of your 4 year old. He may be able to complete a task, but it does not mean that he has the interest or the attention span since he is only 4. The way to go about this, is to encourage him through play and if he is not able to, or not interested in it, let it go and try again another day. By trying to make him do what you want him to do at that given time, it makes it less fun for him and as you realise will put him off learning. Moreover he is only 4.

I have a 4 year old too....and I normally encourage her to do certain tasks, but if she is not keen, I will show her (even though I know she already knows) and then say lets do it together....and after a while, she says she wants to do it herself. So I think it is really a matter of patience on your part.

If you feel impatient, take a deep breath...and control your tone of voice and don't give your power away to your anger or irritation. Your son is more important than losing your temper. This is a precious age and time to share so make it as pleasant as possible. I am not saying to spoil your son, but having a balanced level of firmness and love will make all the difference. This will help make the experience more pleasant for yourself and for your son.

As for lifeskills for kids....I do group work for kids 7 and above depending on demand.

Those younger than that can also be done, but it is a private session for both parent and child. And I normally do this by spending an hour interacting with the parent and child and observe how the parent is behaving towards the child and teach the parent accordingly. It is more like lifeskills for the parents than for the child.

I hope this helps.

Regards
Shamala

"Expert Opinion" on radio

Last Wed, on 91.3FM national radio, there was a heated debate going on during the evening radio prime time. The topic was: Should men be looking at other women while they are out with their girlfriends/partners. The heated debate was between two callers, one a man and the other a woman. The DJs who ran the program decided to get an 'expert opinion' on this subject. So, Rod Montiero, one of the Djs of the show somehow got my contact and decided to do a quick chat interview on this topic the next day.

My answer was, in general there's nothing wrong in men or women looking at the opposite sex in admiration of their beauty. But I was not speaking of oggling or objectifying people as sexual objects. I also added that in general too, men tend not to be experts in multi tasking and chances are while they are admiring the opposite sex, they were not paying attention to what their partners were saying and this can create tension in the relationship. (I also think that women may be better at admiring the opposite sex without being noticed by their own partners! And I've seen this happen!) On the other hand, some women may also have issues around insecurity in their relationship or being insecure about themselves as well, so this is something women must also look into. It was also my view, that men in general must also be sensitive to the feelings of their partners if they know that their partners have issues around this subject. I think this also works both ways, some men can be insecure about themselves too. So ultimately everyone must be right with themselves, before the relationship can be right.

This is certainly an interesting topic that many people seem to be able to relate to!

Our emotions are caused by others?

Not long ago, I gave a talk at a national healthcare corporate office. The subject was on EQ at the workplace.

The audience in general was quite active and this got the discussion/talk going in an interesting way. Then, I asked the question, "Do other people and situations in life create your feelings/emotions?" About 50% of the people present said yes, and the other 50% of the people were not sure...

And when I said, "No. People and situations do not create how you feel. YOU create how you feel." Everyone looked puzzled!

In our world today, what is accepted as norm seems to be right in the eyes of many. How often have we heard people say, "he/she/this made me angry"? And we accept this as the truth. We think and say this so often that we truly believe that other people and situations in life have the power to make us feel a certain way.

Most successful life coaches and spiritual psychologists like Dr Joshua Stone will tell you that your thoughts create how you feel, your feelings motivate your actions, and your actions give you the result you want. So as you can see, this can have a spiraling effect, either upward or downward. If you have a negative thought, it breeds negative feeling which can generate negative actions or inaction. But if you have a positive seed thought, this generates positive feelings and emotions which will spin positive actions.

When we realise that indeed we are the cause of our own feelings/emotions, we are empowered because we realise that, "hey! no body and nothing can make me feel a certain way unless I allow it" I think this is liberating.

However, the tricky bit here is the mindfulness to realise this whenever we are faced with challenging situations in life. More often than not, even as we know we are the cause of our own feelings, we allow our buttons to be pushed by the outer world. It takes a whole lot of practice, like learning to ride a bicycle to find that steady balance within ourselves. Along the way, we will fall and make mistakes but ultimately, we will experience the sense of peace, happiness and freedom that everyone on earth is yearning for, if we keep at it making it our personal goal to be the master of our feelings/emotions.

Stay happy, it is your choice.