We have moved the blog!

Hi everyone!

I just want to let you know that this blog has just been moved to my new website, please visit: http://www.thinkrightfeelgood.com/public

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Have a great day!

Jumping into conclusions...

Just want to share something funny and also a big lesson for me!

This afternoon, my daughter said out loud in a sing song manner: I love chicken wings I love chicken wings!

So i said, how can you say you love chicken wings when we don't eat meat.

She turned to me and said innocently, mummy I meant I take care and love the chicken wings! Not eat them!

Good lesson for me not to jump into conclusion so quickly! Lol!

Thinking back....

A few days ago I was thinking back about the times when I was addicted to video games. Granted that during that time, video games or computer games were not as sophisticated as now. However, when I got my own computer in my early 20s, I remembered how I would stay up late just to play these games on a black and white screen.

I recalled the feelings I derived from playing these games -- it was almost numbing at times. A part of me was looking for a goal to achieve and the computer game seemed to give me an outlet, it gave me a sense of hope, excitement, invincibility and motivation. However, these all became an addiction when I was glued to the screen not caring about anything else.

I think when people are addicted to mind numbing activities, it is a way for them to shut off what they fear most -- themselves. They are afraid to see who they are and the challenges they have to deal with in life and also what they are capable of achieving.

Computer addiction amongst teenagers is a big challenge for parents now. I think our young generation are now much more intelligent, they have a different mindset from their parents which makes it challenging for both parties. I also think our teenagers may be bored because the world does not have enough resources and people dedicated enough to help them to fulfill their potentials. My view is that our young generation is under stimulated on the intellectual (i mean intellectual thinking, not learning by heart type of intellect), physical and spiritual level and so they turn to gadgets etc to get stimulation, which of course offers inappropriate over stimulation! This is not just a challenge in Singapore, but indeed a worldwide phenomena.

I hope to be able to share more of my views on this with you on 3 March - I am giving a Free talk on Building A Strong & Healthy Parent-Child Bond. And also on 7 March a full day workshop on Effective & Conscious Parenting. Go here for more information: http://www.platinumlightworker.com/effective-conscious-parenti.html

Please spread the word around if you think your friends will benefit from the free talk and/or workshop. Hope to see you soon!

Workshop On Parenting

Hi everyone,

In the course of presenting talks on positive thinking/psychology on the corporate level, I have come to realise that parents are in need of a class/workshop on Effective Parenting as many people often seem to have questions about parenting!

Being a parent is very often a trail and error process for many people, so most find themselves repeating patterns, most of them negative ones, from their own parents.

I am now working on a workshop on Effective & Conscious Parenting, and the targeted date for this workshop is early March. So stay tuned! If you're keen to join me in this workshop, do drop me an email thinkrightfeelgood@gmail.com

Hope to see you soon.....

Door Closing By Napoleon Hill

I just came across this, and I think you will find it useful...

Door Closing
by Dr. Napoleon Hill

Consider the rather serious problems which arise in one’s mind in connection with disappointments and failures of the past, and the broken hearts that occur as the result of the loss of material things or the loss of friends or loved ones.

Self-discipline is the only real solution for such problems. It begins with the recognition of the fact that there are only two kinds of problems: those you can solve, and those you can’t solve.

The problem which can be solved should immediately be cleared by the most practical means available, and those which have no solution should be put out of your mind and forgotten.

Let us think, for a minute, about this process of forgetting. Refer to it as closing the door on some unpleasantness which is disturbing your emotional equilibrium. Self-discipline, which means mastery over all emotions, can enable you to close the door between yourself and the unpleasant experience of the past. You must close the door tightly and lock it securely, so that there is no possibility of its being opened again. This is the way to treat unsolvable problems, too. Those who lack self-discipline often stand in the doorway and look wistfully backward into the past, instead of closing the door and looking forward into the future.

This door closing is a valuable technique. It requires the support of a good, strong will, and you have a strong will if you have the departments of your mind organized and under the control of your ego, as they should be.

Door closing does not make you hard, cold or unemotional, but it does require firmness. Self-discipline cannot permit lurking memories of sad experiences, and it wastes no time worrying over problems which have no solution. You cannot yield to the temptation to relive your unhappy memories, for they destroy your creative force, undermine your initiative, weaken your imagination, disturb your faculty of reason, and generally confuse the departments of your mind.

You must place the power of your will against the door that shuts out that which you wish to forget, or you do not acquire self-discipline. This is one of the major services self-discipline can perform for you. It closes the door tightly against all manner of fears, and opens wide the doors of hope and faith!

Self-discipline closes the door against jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, anger and superstition, and opens the door to friendship, goodwill, confidence and love.

Self-discipline look forward, not backward. It roots out discouragement and worry and other negative emotions. And it not only encourages the positive emotions, but it forces them to come before the faculty of reason every time they express themselves so that they, too, may be kept under control.

Self-discipline makes your mind strong. It enables you to take possession of your mind and exercise your God-given right to control your mental attitude. You do not have real self-discipline until you organize your mind and keep it clear of all disturbing influences. Every principle of this philosophy must function through your mind, and self-discipline, which keeps your mind orderly, is the controlling factor in this process of becoming successful.

Source: PMA Science of Success. Pgs. 286-288.

52 Things To Help You Live More Fulfilling Lives In The 52 Weeks of 2010

1. Read a self development book per month
2. Do a good deed that will make a difference to someone’s life per week eg. help someone to lift something heavy, saying hello to someone who looks depressed…
3. Exercise every other day – swim, run, brisk walk, yoga, tennis, chi gung….
4. Go vegetarian/vegan (if you are not already) at least 3 times a week to help save the planet and practice compassion to other living creatures
5. Reduce, reuse and recycle (in this order)
6. Get out of your comfort zone when you find that you have stagnated simply by taking that first step out
7. Get involved with a charity event, organization or cause
8. In this age where the world is becoming smaller, it is possible to make a new friend per week via the social media like Facebook, Twitter….
9. Make a list of things you have always wanted to do (that are morally, ethically, karmically right) and do them!
10. Attend a course or pick up a skill 3-4 times a year or learn about something new every month
11. Don’t wait for yourself to be perfect in order to make a difference, you will come closer to perfection as you go about trying to make a difference
12. Watch more documentaries such as Animal Planet as opposed to junk TV.
13. Stay away from any kind of junk food. Eat foods that are life giving rather than death inducing
14. Check the labels on your food packages and find out what exactly are you putting into your body. Anything with strange codes or numbers cannot be healthy for you!
15. Re-decorate your home/room by re-arranging your furniture to give your home/room a new feel
16. Donate used clothes
17. Confront your inner most fears and talk about them or write them down to gain clarity on the cause of the fears
18. Save electricity and water for your pocket and the environment
19. Use less paper in everything you do
20. Before you buy anything, think and re-think if you really need it and if you can live without it
21. Laugh more
22. Say thank you with a smile
23. Apologise quickly when you know the mistake has been made
24. Admit mistakes and don’t try to weasel your way out that may hurt yourself or someone else in the long term
25. Listen patiently to someone who may speak too slowly for your liking
26. Speak clearly
27. Make eye contact with others when you speak
28. Pretend that your family members are people you are meeting for the first time so that you will be on your best behaviour when you see them
29. Don’t take your family and good friends for granted.
30. Go on a date with your spouse/partner every week. If you are single, go on a date with yourself!
31. Have fun activities with your children or other people’s children if you don’t have any.
32. Organize your time and energy more effectively so that you are not doing the same thing twice
33. Make to-do lists
34. Do what is on your to-do lists
35. Complete what is on your to-do lists
36. Pray, meditate or perform a spiritual practice that will allow your inner self to be nourished daily
37. Be kind to yourself
38. Be kinder to others in words
39. Be kinder to others in your actions
40. Breathe deeply
41. Use personal and household products that will not harm the environment or yourself (check the labels and find out what exactly are the unpronounceable ingredients in your toothpaste!)
42. Do the most difficult or least enjoyable things first in your day, the rest of the day will be more fun
43. Conquer/Master one bad habit every 3 months
44. Walk, cycle and use the public transport – it is cheaper and better for the environment
45. Don’t complain, be proactive
46. Don't waste time gossiping, no one has ever benefited from gossips
47. Spend more time with people and friends who are positive
48. Say one positive thing about yourself to yourself first thing in the morning (daily) when you look at yourself in the mirror
49. Enjoy your work. If you are not, do something about it.
50. Don’t give excuses for not doing what you should be doing if you want to live a more fulfilling life. Excuses are toxic for your wellbeing.
51. Plant a tree for every book you have read (visit www.ecolibris.net)
52. Read this list once a week to keep yourself in check

© Shamala Tan 2010 copyright reserved

Words Of Inspiration

An interesting take on parenting & raising kids...

Don't Praise Your Children!
By Jim Taylor, Ph.D.
September 3, 2009

Please be prepared. I'm going to go on a bit of rant now. I just can't hold it in any longer. I see parents doing this constantly and it's killing me because they know not what they do and they are actually hurting their children's development.

What am I referring to? It's praise, that's what I'm talking about. Now I know what you're thinking: "What? Praise is bad? I can't praise my children? This I have to hear."

Okay, here goes. What is the most common praise you hear parents (and teachers and coaches) giving kids at home, on the playground, in class, and on the sports fields? "Good job!" "Good job" (and other variants such as "Way to go," "Nice job," and "That's great") have become knee-jerk reactions from parents whenever their kids do something worthy of acknowledgment. If I had a dollar for every time I hear that, I would be a rich man today.

What's the problem with "Good job?" Well, it's lazy praise, it's worthless praise, it's harmful praise. It has no value to children, yet parents have been brainwashed into thinking that it will build their children's self-esteem. Plus, it's the expedient thing to say.

Let's start with the purpose of praise: to encourage children to continue to engage in positive behaviors that produce positive outcomes. Now you can start to see the problems with "good job!" First, it lacks specificity. It doesn't tell children what precisely they did well and without that information they can't know exactly what they should do in the future to get the same outcome. Second, "good job!" focuses on the outcome rather than the process. If you're going to be lazy with your praise, at least say, "Good effort!" because it focuses them on what they did to do a good job.

Unfortunately, many parents have been misguided by the "self-esteem movement," which has told them that the way to build their children's self-esteem is to tell them how good they are at things. Unfortunately, trying to convince your children of their competence will likely fail because life has a way of telling them unequivocally how capable or incapable they really are through success and failure.

The reality is that children don't need to be told "good job!" when they have done something well; it's self-evident. They do need to be told why they did well so they can replicate that behavior in the future to get the same positive outcome.

Research has shown that how you praise your children has a powerful influence on their development. The Columbia University researchers Claudia Mueller and Carol Dweck found that children who were praised for their intelligence, as compared to their effort, became overly focused on results. Following a failure, these same children persisted less, showed less enjoyment, attributed their failure to a lack of ability (which they believed they could not change), and performed poorly in future achievement efforts. Says Dweck: "Praising children for intelligence makes them fear difficulty because they begin to equate failure with stupidity."

Too much praise of any sort can also be unhealthy. Research has found that students who were lavished with praise were more cautious in their responses to questions, had less confidence in their answers, were less persistent in difficult assignments, and less willing to share their ideas.

Children develop a sense of competence by seeing the consequences of their actions, not by being told about the consequences of their actions. The researchers Mueller and Dweck found that children who were praised for their effort showed more interest in learning, demonstrated greater persistence and more enjoyment, attributed their failure to lack of effort (which they believed they could change), and performed well in subsequent achievement activities. Rewarding effort also encouraged them to work harder and to seek new challenges. Adds the Clark University researcher Wendy Grolnick: "Parental encouragement of learning strategies helps children build a sense of personal responsibility for-and control over-their academic careers."

Based on these findings, you should avoid praising your children about areas over which they have no control. This includes any innate and unalterable ability such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, or athletic or artistic gifts. You should direct your praise to areas over which your children have control-effort, attitude, responsibility, commitment, discipline, focus, decision making, compassion, generosity, respect, love, the list goes on. You should look at why exactly your children did something well and specifically praise those areas. For example, "You worked so hard preparing for this test," "You were so focused during the entire chess match," and "You were so generous for sharing with your sister."

Particularly with young children, you don't need to praise them at all. The best thing you can do is simply highlight what they did. For example, if your toddler just climbed a playground ladder for the first time, just say, "You climbed that ladder by yourself." Their smile of pride will tell you that they got the message you wanted them to get, namely, "I did it!" Nothing more needs to be said.

As another alternative to praise, just ask your children questions. You can find out what your children thought and felt about their achievement, for example, "What did you enjoy most about your performance?" and "How do you feel about what you just did?" Allow your children to decide for themselves how they feel about their accomplishments, enable them to reward themselves for their own good actions, and encourage them to internalize what they observed about their own achievement efforts.

Or really go out on a limb and don't say anything at all to your children. As I just mentioned, kids know when they do well. By letting them come to this realization on their own, they learn to reinforce themselves and they don't become praise junkies dependent on you for how they feel about their efforts and accomplishments.

Here is my challenge to you. First, next time you're at the playground or a youth sports competition, take note of what parents say to their children. I'll bet you hear "Good job!" (or some variation) constantly. Next, monitor what you say to your children in the same situations. Then, erase "Good job!" from your vocabulary. We've already established how useless it is. Finally, start to praise your children in the healthy ways I just described. When you have broken yourself of the "Good job!" habit, you can then pat yourself on the back and tell yourself, "Good job!"


Jim Taylor, Ph.D., is an adjunct professor at the University of San Francisco. He works in performance psychology and is the author of ten books, including “Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child”.

Words of Wisdom

“Clearly define to yourself what you want to attain in life. Say to yourself: I can do it. I can do it now. Make a plan and chart the steps you must take to reach your goal. Take them one at a time, and you will find that with each success the next step comes easier and easier as more and more people are attracted to help you achieve your ultimate purpose.Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Are you satisfied with where you are and the direction you are going? If not, take control of your life and change whatever needs to be changed. You and only you have the power to do this. You can change your world.” - Napoleon Hill

Deepak Chopra: A Life of Fullment | SUCCESS Magazine | What Achievers Read

Here's an interesting article you might find inspiring!

Deepak Chopra: A Life of Fullment | SUCCESS Magazine | What Achievers Read