Taking action

Recently someone asked me, what if I have client who engages me as a counselor for help to combat their addictions/bad habits but the person is very resistant. What do I do?

This is what I said:

Everyone is resistant to change, and everyone on some level enjoys the pain and suffering when they are hooked to their addictions. But if the client has taken the first step to come for counseling, I say congratulations.

However, there are some clients who are happy to just talk about their addictions but have no real desire to work on mastering their addictions by getting into action. In fact, they may be looking for justification for why they are still hanging on to their addictions. They may even argue and place blame on others. I normally 'fire' these clients after a period of time, because they have no real desire to help themselves. Ultimately for any coaching/counseling to work the client has to do the work, and I cannot do the work for him/her. I am only the coach cheering and guiding at the sidelines.

Some people may say that when I 'fire' the client, then I am leaving the client on the lurch and don't I feel guilty? My reply to that is, they were already in that state before they came to me. So I hold no responsibility for them not getting into action. Co-dependence with the client is not my cup of tea.

So taking responsibility for yourself is a big part of healing. If you have been thinking about making the change for yourself, get into action NOW or else you will never do it.

© 2009

7 Effective Ways To Master Any Addictions

Here are 7 effective ways in which I have personally used in my life to master my addictions. I recommend that all 7 ways be used together in order for you to see positive results.

Here goes:

1. Set a date on when you will begin the process. This is important, if you do not set a date, you will never start.
2. Do a thorough research on the effects during your transition period so that you are prepared for them and know what to anticipate. When you are prepared, you will prevent yourself from sabotaging the process.
3. Create a list of the positive changes you will experience once you have mastered your addiction. Remain focused on your goals and use the list you created to inspire yourself daily. What I would recommend is to read the list daily and add to it as you go along.
4. Dis-identify with the illusion that your addiction is good for you or said in another way, dis-identify with the false experience that the addiction gives you. Eg. if you're addicted to sugar, you experience a false sense of comfort when you finish the big slice of cake that you know is not good for you, only to feel bad physically afterwards because of what the sugar is doing to your physical body. So dis-identify with this false sense of reality.
5. Identify with the positive effects of how you feel when you master your addiction through visualization. For eg if you are addicted to procrastination, visualise yourself like a power dynamo. Full of energy and being able to get things done and even fulfilling what was previously perceived as impossible. Use all your senses - feel it, taste it, smell it, see it, hear it. The more frequently you do this, the more you will experience this for real. Understand that your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is happening for real and what is visualized. All it does is have these experiences (real or visualised) imprinted within your subconscious mind. So think about it, the more you visualize the positive effects the more your subconscious mind will operate from the positive effects!
6. Work with positive affirmations and self talk. Again, this works in the same manner as described in point 5. Only this time you are working with positive affirmations and encouraging and engaging yourself with positive self talk.
7. Make friends with people who have the positive qualities you are looking for. Eg. if you lack motivation, then hang around with people who are highly motivated and stay away from people who will feed your addiction/bad habit.

I hope this will inspire you in your personal battle!

© 2009 Shamala Tan

Mind power and food

We spent last Christmas with my husband's family in the UK and we had a wonderful time just relaxing and catching up with everyone.

After the Christmas dinner, the huge half eaten turkey was placed on the kitchen counter waiting to be packed up for later meals. I was sitting on a stool at the same counter reading the newspaper and someone walked in saw me and said, "Are you not tempted to eat the turkey being a vegetarian?"

I was very surprised by the question. I have been a vegetarian for about 10 years now, with the occasional slip ups during pregnancy. When the question was asked, I realised that I did not even see the turkey sitting there as food. I have already learned to dis-identify it as a food item.

Our minds are pretty amazing if we know how to make it work for us. One of the key things I have learned to do while I was on my way out of alcoholism was to dis-identify feelings and thoughts of pleasure, love, attention, relaxation from alcohol. And then enforcing and identifying thoughts and feelings of destruction, ill health and so on with alcohol.

The same technique was applied to my diet when I made a commitment and several other times re-commitment to become a vegetarian for moral and social reasons.

The saying "the flesh is willing but the will is weak" is very true for many especially when one does not know how to work with the power of the mind. Our strong will can only come from the power of our mind. The mind indeed is our greatest ally if we invest it right.

@ 2009 Shamala Tan

What are your goals for 2009?

Welcome to the new year! I hope to share more inspiring and interesting stories with you in the coming months...

One of my goals this year is to complete writing a book on my personal journey on how I transformed from being an addict to a holistic life coach. In this book, successful tried and tested methods and tips will be offered to master any addictions and/or bad habits. If you are addicted to procrastination, this book will be very useful to you too!

I am giving myself 9 months to complete this book. Will update you every now and then.

I have listed a whole long list of goals for 2009 because I believe that in order to achieve anything in life, we must set goals. Drifting aimlessly and at the same time wanting something without any time frame leads to lack of results. Contemplating on how you have used your time last year may help you to set your goals for this year. If you didn't accomplish what you wanted to accomplish this year, perhaps it is time to set your goals.

Looking back, I realised that I didn't achieve the things I wanted to achieve last year because I didn't set clear goals or direction. And by the end of Dec, only things I have set a clear direction and goal in Jan last year were achieved! This only proved to me that I needed clear direction and goals.

Have a great 2009!

@ 2009 Shamala Tan