I used to be notoriously famous in some pubs for throwing up all over the place. Yes, these were my regular haunts where I never fail to go overboard with my drinking. In one particular pub, the bartenders know me so well that every time I walk in, they hand me a plastic bag and ask me to hang it around my ears, just in case.
I know that many of the people I used to know such as the bartenders can never believe that I am a different person now. It is funny how decisions we make in life affect us on so many levels.
In all of these years, I have counseled so many people from all walks of life. The key challenge for many who have made mistakes in the past and would like to start anew is the issue of shame.
Shame holds people back, and puts them in a position of fear and guilt which can also lead to self punishment.
Remarks by others to hang a plastic bag around my ears can be humiliating from a negative perspective. And if I gave it the power to hold me back, I would still be hiding behind the bottle.
If shame is what is holding you back, stand tall and allow the words of others to slide off you, and continue to walk with dignity for the past has no hold over you, unless you allow it to. Instead, walk towards the creation of a better and more powerful tomorrow.
@ 2008 Shamala Tan
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Paralyzing Effects Of Addictions
I think we live in a world of addictions. While I had addictions that were pretty obvious such as drinking and smoking, there are also many people in the world who are addicted to negative thinking, feelings, behaviour and words.
These addictions are acceptable in society because everyone does it! But if we were honest with ourselves we can see quite clearly how our own addictive negative thoughts can be so destructive to ourselves and to others around us.
How many times have you had a negative thought about yourself, about others or about situations today? How often have you been paralyzed by your own negativity?
According to Dr Joshua Stone, the author of Soul Psychology, he said we live in a world of hypnosis. And in order to become Masters of our lives, we need to move out of this hypnosis by working on improving our psychological immune system. As many of you may know, Dr Stone was one of my heroes. He taught me through his books and through his personal emails the importance of moving out of mass hypnosis.
Every day, it is a new day to seek out areas in my own mind and life to observe how much I am still operating from mass hypnosis. Exercising discipline so as not to get caught in mass thinking/behaviour is something that must be practiced daily.
Even though I have stopped my destructive habits, my focus is still on moving out of the addiction of mass hypnosis.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
These addictions are acceptable in society because everyone does it! But if we were honest with ourselves we can see quite clearly how our own addictive negative thoughts can be so destructive to ourselves and to others around us.
How many times have you had a negative thought about yourself, about others or about situations today? How often have you been paralyzed by your own negativity?
According to Dr Joshua Stone, the author of Soul Psychology, he said we live in a world of hypnosis. And in order to become Masters of our lives, we need to move out of this hypnosis by working on improving our psychological immune system. As many of you may know, Dr Stone was one of my heroes. He taught me through his books and through his personal emails the importance of moving out of mass hypnosis.
Every day, it is a new day to seek out areas in my own mind and life to observe how much I am still operating from mass hypnosis. Exercising discipline so as not to get caught in mass thinking/behaviour is something that must be practiced daily.
Even though I have stopped my destructive habits, my focus is still on moving out of the addiction of mass hypnosis.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
Friday, November 28, 2008
Side Effects Of Mastering Addictions
Some of the side effects I experience after mastering my addictions are:
1. Radiant health
2. Being a master of my own life, as opposed to being a victim
3. Ability to think clearly
4. Motivated to assist others to do the same
5. Living my life's purpose
6. Healthier relationship with others
7. Strong spiritual connections
8. Living an abundant life
9. Enjoying my work, which is really not work but enjoyable purpose
10. Have a clearer perception of reality
11. Ability to balance my thinking and feeling nature
12. Greater awareness of what I eat, drink and consume
13. Cultivation of positive habits such as exercising
14. And many more!
© 2008 Shamala Tan
1. Radiant health
2. Being a master of my own life, as opposed to being a victim
3. Ability to think clearly
4. Motivated to assist others to do the same
5. Living my life's purpose
6. Healthier relationship with others
7. Strong spiritual connections
8. Living an abundant life
9. Enjoying my work, which is really not work but enjoyable purpose
10. Have a clearer perception of reality
11. Ability to balance my thinking and feeling nature
12. Greater awareness of what I eat, drink and consume
13. Cultivation of positive habits such as exercising
14. And many more!
© 2008 Shamala Tan
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Bad public behaviour
On Sunday, at 8 o'clock in the morning I witnessed a very drunk man speaking loudly and banging the tables at the food centre while his family was having breakfast with him. He had a bottle of 3/4 drunk bottle of whiskey with him.
This reminded me of the times when I used to be a pubic nuisance too. According to some of my friends, they said I was innocently honest like a child when I was drunk. I would go up to strangers and tell them honestly what I thought about them, even though I didn't know them! I have insulted many people from taxi drinkers, to friends of friends, to other patrons of pubs/discos. Nothing to be proud of.
But I share this to show how much out of control we can become when we give our power away to our addictions. Some people may say that I didn't know what I was saying while I was drunk. But I did know what I was doing when I drank myself silly. So I was still responsible for my actions.
Taking charge of one's life is really about taking responsibility for everything we do to ourselves and to others. Looking back at all the things I used to do makes me even more committed to do what is right for myself and for others. I do not live in regrets nor do I put myself on guilt trips, I am aware that I made some serious mistakes in the past and have vowed never to repeat them again. What I have now is an even stronger conviction to be a healthy person in body, mind and spirit.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
This reminded me of the times when I used to be a pubic nuisance too. According to some of my friends, they said I was innocently honest like a child when I was drunk. I would go up to strangers and tell them honestly what I thought about them, even though I didn't know them! I have insulted many people from taxi drinkers, to friends of friends, to other patrons of pubs/discos. Nothing to be proud of.
But I share this to show how much out of control we can become when we give our power away to our addictions. Some people may say that I didn't know what I was saying while I was drunk. But I did know what I was doing when I drank myself silly. So I was still responsible for my actions.
Taking charge of one's life is really about taking responsibility for everything we do to ourselves and to others. Looking back at all the things I used to do makes me even more committed to do what is right for myself and for others. I do not live in regrets nor do I put myself on guilt trips, I am aware that I made some serious mistakes in the past and have vowed never to repeat them again. What I have now is an even stronger conviction to be a healthy person in body, mind and spirit.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
Habits Can Be Replaced
I remember as a smoker, one of my favourite things I used to do was to have a cup of coffee and a smoke after a meal. I think all smokers can relate to this. There is a sense of comfort and relaxation that one gets from this.
Of course, on hindsight I realised that this is a false sense of comfort.
This false sense of comfort puts one in a comfort zone and is the perfect excuse for those who wants to continue to be a victim of this bad habit. It also provides a false sense of security that 'if it feels good, it cannot be that bad for you'!
Once when I decided to quit smoking, one of the silliest thing I did was continue to go to smoky places like pubs and discos because I was still drinking (the pubs/discos in Singapore then were not smoke free yet). The temptation to pick up a cigarette was just so strong that I actually held a cigarette the whole night without lighting up. I would every now and then just sniff at the cigarette. I realised that I was addicted to the act and habit of smoking rather than being addicted to the nicotine. Of course, my conviction to quit smoking didn't last - it was just too easy to go back into my comfort zone.
I tried this same method countless times hoping to quit but only reaching out for one more puff and then 2 more and before I know it, it was 1-2 packs a day again.
Obviously, I was doing all the wrong things.
On my last try to quit, these were what I finally did right:
1. stop buying cigarettes
2. stop hanging out with people who smoke (cigarettes or other 'smokable' stuff)
3. stop hanging out at places where smoking is allowed
4. exercise
It was hard at first to isolate myself but I spent a lot of time watching movies at home. BUT I was still drinking. (One of the tell tale signs of an alcoholic - drinking a lot alone)
Eventually it worked. The longer I went without cigarettes, the easier it got, the more aware I was of how clogged up my lungs were. It was a big victory in many ways.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
Of course, on hindsight I realised that this is a false sense of comfort.
This false sense of comfort puts one in a comfort zone and is the perfect excuse for those who wants to continue to be a victim of this bad habit. It also provides a false sense of security that 'if it feels good, it cannot be that bad for you'!
Once when I decided to quit smoking, one of the silliest thing I did was continue to go to smoky places like pubs and discos because I was still drinking (the pubs/discos in Singapore then were not smoke free yet). The temptation to pick up a cigarette was just so strong that I actually held a cigarette the whole night without lighting up. I would every now and then just sniff at the cigarette. I realised that I was addicted to the act and habit of smoking rather than being addicted to the nicotine. Of course, my conviction to quit smoking didn't last - it was just too easy to go back into my comfort zone.
I tried this same method countless times hoping to quit but only reaching out for one more puff and then 2 more and before I know it, it was 1-2 packs a day again.
Obviously, I was doing all the wrong things.
On my last try to quit, these were what I finally did right:
1. stop buying cigarettes
2. stop hanging out with people who smoke (cigarettes or other 'smokable' stuff)
3. stop hanging out at places where smoking is allowed
4. exercise
It was hard at first to isolate myself but I spent a lot of time watching movies at home. BUT I was still drinking. (One of the tell tale signs of an alcoholic - drinking a lot alone)
Eventually it worked. The longer I went without cigarettes, the easier it got, the more aware I was of how clogged up my lungs were. It was a big victory in many ways.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Procrastination Is A Disease
There were many occasions in my addictive days where I had thoughts to quit smoking or drinking. These thoughts didn't materialise as soon as they should because they only remained as thoughts. It was always, I will quit after this weekend, or after so-and-so's birthday party, or after this-or-that event.
I believe that most human beings have this disease called Procrastination. It is a disease that does not discriminate where you come from, how old you are, what language you speak, what income bracket you belong to.....everyone has this disease in one form or another.
In order to succeed in mastering one's addictions or bad habits, one must conquer procrastination. Procrastination paralyzes us, it makes us smaller, and worse off than we actually are. And I think for some people, procrastination is a very good excuse not to become better than they actually are!
I found that once I put my thoughts into action by finally throwing the bottles out, I also busted procrastination on so many levels. I was able to achieve a lot in my life in an incredibly short time. And of course, I thought back and said to myself, why didn't I quit the addictions sooner?
If my bad habits and addictions didn't kill me, then I think procrastination would have done the job easily. Because it meant I wouldn't find real meaning to living.
If procrastination is your addiction, then in truth it is by far your most potent addiction because it is so subtle and not so easy to spot its destructive ways.
Do yourself a favour and do a self examination to see if this disease is in fact robbing you of your life.....
©2008 Shamala Tan
I believe that most human beings have this disease called Procrastination. It is a disease that does not discriminate where you come from, how old you are, what language you speak, what income bracket you belong to.....everyone has this disease in one form or another.
In order to succeed in mastering one's addictions or bad habits, one must conquer procrastination. Procrastination paralyzes us, it makes us smaller, and worse off than we actually are. And I think for some people, procrastination is a very good excuse not to become better than they actually are!
I found that once I put my thoughts into action by finally throwing the bottles out, I also busted procrastination on so many levels. I was able to achieve a lot in my life in an incredibly short time. And of course, I thought back and said to myself, why didn't I quit the addictions sooner?
If my bad habits and addictions didn't kill me, then I think procrastination would have done the job easily. Because it meant I wouldn't find real meaning to living.
If procrastination is your addiction, then in truth it is by far your most potent addiction because it is so subtle and not so easy to spot its destructive ways.
Do yourself a favour and do a self examination to see if this disease is in fact robbing you of your life.....
©2008 Shamala Tan
Monday, November 24, 2008
Living or Dying?
I think most people have heard of this saying: are you living or dying?
In the last days of my addictions, I finally REALISED what it meant to be dying and not living my life.
To know in my mind what is dying, is not the same as truly experiencing what dying in my physical body was. During this time, I was starting to question about the meaning of my own life, and I took time to just try to clear my head. The deeper I contemplated, the more I felt and knew my physical body was in a state of chaos. I became more aware of the unhealthy state I have caused it to be. On hindsight and with all the work I have done on myself, I realised that I was so numb to how I was treating my physical body. My body was choked up literally with toxins in every single cell of my being and every single pore of my skin. I REALISED that I was not living. Every inhalation of smoke was a dying process. Every sip of alcohol was contributing to the decay of my organs. I was dying and I was consciously contributing to its quick demise.
It was one of my wake up calls.
Till this day, I am still 'paying the price' of my negligence, and I am still dealing with the side effects. I know my liver is not functioning as healthily as it should but I am pro-actively taking steps to improve things through my diet, through exercise and also taking suitable supplements. Thank goodness I had the sense to quit smoking sooner and I did exercises like chi-running to clear my lungs. To this day, I am still doing chi-running and reaping the positive benefits.
I made a commitment to LIVE and I am glad I did :-)
© 2008 Shamala Tan
In the last days of my addictions, I finally REALISED what it meant to be dying and not living my life.
To know in my mind what is dying, is not the same as truly experiencing what dying in my physical body was. During this time, I was starting to question about the meaning of my own life, and I took time to just try to clear my head. The deeper I contemplated, the more I felt and knew my physical body was in a state of chaos. I became more aware of the unhealthy state I have caused it to be. On hindsight and with all the work I have done on myself, I realised that I was so numb to how I was treating my physical body. My body was choked up literally with toxins in every single cell of my being and every single pore of my skin. I REALISED that I was not living. Every inhalation of smoke was a dying process. Every sip of alcohol was contributing to the decay of my organs. I was dying and I was consciously contributing to its quick demise.
It was one of my wake up calls.
Till this day, I am still 'paying the price' of my negligence, and I am still dealing with the side effects. I know my liver is not functioning as healthily as it should but I am pro-actively taking steps to improve things through my diet, through exercise and also taking suitable supplements. Thank goodness I had the sense to quit smoking sooner and I did exercises like chi-running to clear my lungs. To this day, I am still doing chi-running and reaping the positive benefits.
I made a commitment to LIVE and I am glad I did :-)
© 2008 Shamala Tan
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Black outs & Will to succeed
One of the most dangerous things that can happen to addicts is when one blacks out and has no idea what has happened during the hours and minutes.
This happened to me on many occasions, where I lost several hours simply because I was completely smashed out of my mind. I would 'wake up' sitting in a club/disco with people I don't even know. Or I would find myself at home and don't know how I got home. At first, these experiences did scare me, but it was still not enough to lure me away from the addiction.
Somehow after some rest and sleep, the blacks out were forgotten and I was back with a glass of whatever I could get hold of.
The will to quit the addiction was not there yet.
Through my own personal experiences, I know for a fact, that only those with a will to master their addictions will succeed. And I will only take on clients who have the strong will and commitment to master their addictions. Those who say they want to quit but cannot follow through with action have not found it within themselves to love themselves enough to do what is right. And I will not waste their time or mine with their addiction issues. Anyone who wants to master their addiction must dig deep.
Personally, I quit cold turkey the moment I decided I had enough, the weeks and months that followed were challenging, not because I really wanted another drink. But because it was painful to detox.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
This happened to me on many occasions, where I lost several hours simply because I was completely smashed out of my mind. I would 'wake up' sitting in a club/disco with people I don't even know. Or I would find myself at home and don't know how I got home. At first, these experiences did scare me, but it was still not enough to lure me away from the addiction.
Somehow after some rest and sleep, the blacks out were forgotten and I was back with a glass of whatever I could get hold of.
The will to quit the addiction was not there yet.
Through my own personal experiences, I know for a fact, that only those with a will to master their addictions will succeed. And I will only take on clients who have the strong will and commitment to master their addictions. Those who say they want to quit but cannot follow through with action have not found it within themselves to love themselves enough to do what is right. And I will not waste their time or mine with their addiction issues. Anyone who wants to master their addiction must dig deep.
Personally, I quit cold turkey the moment I decided I had enough, the weeks and months that followed were challenging, not because I really wanted another drink. But because it was painful to detox.
© 2008 Shamala Tan
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic?
When I tell people that I used to be an alcoholic, many people look at me in disbelief. Even close friends may think I am exaggerating but the truth is that what I did with friends is only a fraction of what I used to do on my own.
Some people who don't know me think that I will go back to my old ways because it is a widespread belief that once you are an alcoholic, you will always be one.
Well, my personal journey has proven to mw that this widespread belief does not apply to me. Don't tell me I am in denial lol! The truth is that when I decided to stop smoking and drinking, I did it for the right reasons.
My reason is simple: I don't wish to spend another day of my life wasting money and wasting my time and energy that does not give me long term benefits. And I rather focus my energies on living my life's purpose and being of better use to society other than polluting the planet!
I have so successfully mastered my addictions that I can smell alcohol from a distance and my physical body reacts telling me it is poison! And I am very intolerant to cigarette smoke, choosing to stay away from smoky places (Thank God Singapore is very intolerant of the smoking habit) and people with ash tray breath. Yes my breath was like that too, and I now know how nasty and repulsive it really is!
Anyway, I've been clean of alcohol for about 10 years now and I've stopped smoking for close to 12 years. And I don't miss them one bit.
So why do I choose to talk about this now? Well, because more people are asking me for help in how to master these bad habits and also I believe it is useful for people to listen to real inspirational stories in order to help themselves...
So stay tuned!
© Shamala Tan 2008
Some people who don't know me think that I will go back to my old ways because it is a widespread belief that once you are an alcoholic, you will always be one.
Well, my personal journey has proven to mw that this widespread belief does not apply to me. Don't tell me I am in denial lol! The truth is that when I decided to stop smoking and drinking, I did it for the right reasons.
My reason is simple: I don't wish to spend another day of my life wasting money and wasting my time and energy that does not give me long term benefits. And I rather focus my energies on living my life's purpose and being of better use to society other than polluting the planet!
I have so successfully mastered my addictions that I can smell alcohol from a distance and my physical body reacts telling me it is poison! And I am very intolerant to cigarette smoke, choosing to stay away from smoky places (Thank God Singapore is very intolerant of the smoking habit) and people with ash tray breath. Yes my breath was like that too, and I now know how nasty and repulsive it really is!
Anyway, I've been clean of alcohol for about 10 years now and I've stopped smoking for close to 12 years. And I don't miss them one bit.
So why do I choose to talk about this now? Well, because more people are asking me for help in how to master these bad habits and also I believe it is useful for people to listen to real inspirational stories in order to help themselves...
So stay tuned!
© Shamala Tan 2008
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